Archive for November 30th, 2008
down, down, down…..
i stayed home for two consecutive days and the two days were the worst two days ive had for this month! i dont know why every little thing seems to get on my fuckin nerves. i just wanna scream and maybe die. maybe. i spent my two days watching a sappy japanese movie which lasted for more than 11 hours. and yea. i cried my lungs out. now my eyes are swollen and ugly. i realised i cried, probably cuz of the show. but also it was just releasing all that i had inside me. ive to admit, ive been bottling up the many things that happened over the past weeks. just that, i didnt have the chance to tell anyone about it. maybe i did, but i just didnt feel like telling. i wouldnt wanna be a burden. thats what he always says. im hurting inside and ive no idea why. no one did anything, thats for sure. i just feel empty i guess. and i feel like ive been neglected by many. friends esp. i guess theyre just too busy with their lives. i learnt that i shouldnt be dependent on them but… but.. i need them ): my mom’s always nagging all the fuckin time that sometimes i hope she loses her voice. yea to that extent cuz i cant take it. ugh. my dad’s not speaking to me. how great. not that it makes a fuckin difference.
im just empty. so fuckin empty.
hear me….
cuz im damaged.
Add a comment November 30, 2008
one litre of tears
ive never cried so much. okay maybe i have but it’s been long since i last did. im watching this japanese drama about a dying girl; one litre of tears. and it all seem to hit me hard. it’s like as if i opened the gate of tears and it just wouldnt stop flowing. haha but im sad. i really am. the thing about me, i always tend to relate it to my life. and right now, i feel like i havent accomplished anything. people may see me as someone who is full of joy or whatever but no one really knows what im feeling inside. i just need a break from this.
so i went for a run just now. i actually contemplated if i should run. i just decided to cuz i needed to feel good again. anyhow, my stamina is zero. all those trainings that i had for the Will Run and Nike Human Race have gone to waste. maybe. probably. guess it’s back to running.
i need smthg new.
but i miss my bestie. ex bestie?
Add a comment November 30, 2008
